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Pure Gold:
Encouraging Character Qualities in Marriage

by Susanne M. Alexander
with Craig A. Farnsworth
and
John S. Miller

"Engaging, wise, and chock full of ideas
that can be immediately put into action and make your marriage a pure joy."

~ Paul Coleman, Psy. D., author of "How to Say It for Couples: Communicating with Tenderness, Openness, and Honesty"

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Can We Dance?
Learning The Steps For a Fulfilling Relationship

by Susanne M. Alexander
with John S. Miller

“After reading this book, I have a new-found appreciation for the importance of really exploring myself to know what character qualities I need my mate to possess.”

“I love the combination of information, reflection, and interaction with the arts. This approach is present, reflective and emotionally, spiritually provocative.”

“Can We Dance? helped me to examine my beliefs, clarify my motivations, and analyze every step from friendship to a serious relationship. It is full of great tools that are both fun and immediately useful.”

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Conflicts Management: 10

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13)
(14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (25) (26)
(27) (28) (29) (30) (31) (32) (33) (34) (35) (36) (37) (38) (39)
(40) (41) (42) (43) (44) (45) (46) (47) (48) (49) (50) (51) (52)

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Chapter Four
Spending Counterfeit Character Qualities!

Did you know that counterfeiting money is one of the oldest crimes in history? That is a fact according to the United States Secret Service. Truthfully, I could not tell you whether I have ever passed counterfeit money or not. I have no idea how to spot counterfeit money from genuine money. I have never had that type of training.

The United States had a big problem in the 19th century. There were over 1600 banks. Each bank designed and printed its own money. At that time, there were 7000 types of genuine money. The bad news was that there were also 4000 types of counterfeit money. People could no longer tell the real money from the fake money. Who could possibly keep track of all those different types of money?

During the Civil War, one third of all money was not genuine money. It was counterfeit. In order to stop this, in 1863, the United States changed over to just one type of money. However, having just one type of money did not stop the counterfeiting. By 1865, the Secret Service was founded to crack down on the counterfeiters.

The Secret Service tells us how to spot counterfeit money. On their web site, they show pictures of the real money. They show the genuine money, and then they show the counterfeit. In order to spot the counterfeit money, you first have to know what genuine money looks like. The better you know what genuine money looks like; the better you can see the differences between the two types.

No one would be very happy to find out they had been given counterfeit money. Imagine if you went to the bank to take out some of your money. Then you found out later they had given you counterfeit money. Conflict would be the result. We trust that when we accept cash from someone it is genuine.

Counterfeit money is to genuine money...
...What counterfeit traits are to genuine traits.

Will you image for a moment that the genuine character traits are just like genuine money? Imagine that you can spend character traits just as you spend money. When you spend your genuine character traits, you are spending the real thing. As you pay your way with your genuine traits, people will grow to trust you that you only spend genuine traits. They will feel confident that you would never pay them with a counterfeit character trait. Genuine traits adhere to the rule of not causing harm, injury, or insult to others or yourself.

Spending counterfeit money will get you into trouble. It will also cause conflict for others. The people you spend it on will feel cheated. Spending counterfeit traits also will get you into trouble. It will also cause conflict. The people that you spend your counterfeit traits on will feel cheated.

In fact, just like with counterfeit money, the more and more you spend counterfeit traits, the greater will be your risk. The more you spend, the more you will get into trouble and cause conflict for yourself and other people.

The best way to spot a counterfeit trait is to become familiar with the genuine trait. The more you know about the genuine traits, the better you will become at spotting the counterfeit traits. The more you know about the genuine traits, the easier it will become to use them.

Once you learn to spot which of the counterfeit traits you have been spending, it will be easier for you to stop spending them. The less you spend counterfeit traits, the less you will have conflict in your life.

Solving Conflicts addresses 42 genuine character traits.

Right now, you already have all 42 of them in your bank. You can call that your character savings account. They are deposited there on the day of your birth. For your whole life, you have been taking out withdrawals from your character bank. Each day of your life, when you wake up in the morning, you have some of these traits with you to spend. You probably have become very good at spending some of them wisely.

However, you may have left some of the genuine traits in your character savings account. You may have never made a withdrawal of them, and you may have never learned to use them. It is like having money in the bank, but never spending it. At any time, you could withdraw your genuine character traits to spend. It would be a benefit to you and to others. You are always just one choice away from doing the right thing.